an undergrad on break
With every semester or quarter there is always a “break” period: winter break, spring break, summer vacation. After completing my first quarter at UCSD, I can finally declare undergrad student status, which come to think of it isn’t such a glamorous or scandalous title I was hoping it’d be. However, I’ve learned a few things about myself — after school special style. I learned that I am great at pumping out 5+ page research based essays in less than a week. I learned how to organize my entire schedule around my eating pattern. And I learned not to give in to my sexual desires and needs with a person who lives in the same college apartment as me. The last one seems obvious, and it was, but when you’re a 20-something year old with no prior sexual experience, your gonads tend to make most of the critical personal life decisions.
Anyways, the culmination of ten weeks of tedious hard work and one week of round-the-clock studying and stress have warranted a much deserved and needed break. Unfortunately, this break was three weeks longs and I did nothing scholastically productive. I didn’t read any books, I didn’t review my calculus notes, I didn’t even finish applying to the scholarships I started. All I did was make some teeny-bopper art and watch the entire second season of American Horror Story on Amazon Prime. I spent most of my days in bed watching the CW’s regular TV show line-up: Rules of Engagement, Community, The Simpson’s, The Middle, and Seinfeld at 11 pm. along with The Office. And guess what, I loved it! After having to memorize, regurgitate, study, socialize, and stress for 11 weeks, sitting in front of the TV was complete bliss. All i had to do was watch and laugh alongside the show’s laughtrack.
The new year is here but I forgot to to recap 2013. So here is the good, the bad, and the ugly, and a rekindling of my manifesto (i changed number 4 and 5).
the 2014 manifesto:
avant-garde is just
an avant-garde way
of saying different.
All you have going for you is your body.
However, it is your personality, attitude, and character that repulses people. You’ve argued with me, my roommate, and my two suitemates. You are the source of all the problems in the apartment. You are the one who is unsatisfied when everybody else is doing well.
Eres un inutil, un desechado, un inepto, un insignificante nada y no quiero nada que ver contigo. Tu para mi estas muerto. Eres un insolente sin alama y no hay ningun hombre en este planeta que te pueda arreglar.
Furthermore, your smile is horrendous, your eyes are degenerate, and your ‘self’ is insufferable. You’re just a pig inside a human body.
All you have is a nice body, and that’s all you’ll ever have and will ever be. It’s all you can have, really. You’re such a repulsing person, you need to constantly workout everyday to attract potential mates and friends, and it’s pathetic and sad.
Just know that bodies wither away with time and so will yours. So maybe you should start working on your attitude and personality now before you tear a ligament. You’re physique can only get you so far, Mr. Vanity.
Have a nice training session.
God knows you need it more than you need friends.
You may not be able to bare life without my affection,
but I don’t think I can cope without your presence.
Like a falling Icarus,
who blindly believed
he could fly and be free.
I love you.
I’m over you now.
L’Epilogue Fort Minable
You called me a “firestarter” when in reality we both started the fire. But why was there a fire initiated in the first place?
Was it because we were both cold? Was it because we were curious about the flames? Maybe one of us needed an S.O.S. to get out of the island? Or maybe it was because we flew too closely to the sun? Honestly, neither of us knew what we were getting ourselves into at the time.
We were rushed, and we were exposed. We were unprepared for a relationship that was never supposed to happen at such a rapid rate. And it was never supposed to happen because we were vastly different in almost every way.
You liked politics and complex ideologies. I liked urban spaces, architecture, and the arts. You had a daily routine that consisted of exercise, homemade food, and work. I had no routine much less a passion to create one. You preferred not to attend social events. I preferred attending all kinds of events. You kept doubting our relationship and were legitimately convinced that it would end tragically. I kept ignoring your comments and opinions because I truly believed that our relationship could work and progress from all the manure you kept spewing.
However, I was wrong. You were so certain and maybe even determined to break us up with your negative mindset that you succeeded in your mission. Now I am just another one of your sad break-ups that you will unrelentingly tell to your next boyfriend. I am your Number 11, but just know that you will always be my Number 1. Both are indistinguishable to the eye, but the significant difference between the two was that mine was a piece of controlled chaos while yours was a flurry intoxication and madness.
But don’t feel bad. I know I don’t. I don’t regret anything except the time in which I did things. Our timing was off, horribly off, but our emotions were very much real, and that’s not something I can easily dismiss, but I will move on. I will progress, and although I will still see you around every day for the next 25 weeks, I will look past our murky history, our Autumn Rhythm, our failed relationship.
I guess the only problem I have with you is that you are an eccentric in the worst possible ways. You know exactly how to instill fear onto others with threats. You are a master of manipulation and mind games. You live to exacerbate the severity of the situation, and you have no qualms about making others feel helplessly uncomfortable. I can only describe your behavior as compulsive, unnecessary, and irresponsible, similar to shablaming when there is no music playing.